When horrible things happen, we cannot help but pause and reflect on everything that led to them. It is, perhaps, to our credit that through all the bloodshed and tears, we somehow find the strength to pick ourselves up, solemnly take our stand, and ask the one universal question: who do we blame this time?

Of course, Trillanes & friends are quick to direct accusations at the administration--not simply for allowing the bombing to happen, but for actually ARRANGING it, in order to distract everyone from the horrible job the Arroyo administration is doing. And yeah, I guess we should probably listen to Trillanes, this guy is, after all, an expert on scaring people with bombs. I couldn't find a proper quote from the good senator, so let's take the time to appreciate this one from random internet guy (let's pretend it's Trillanes ^____^;;;;;;;;;):

This explosion and reckless disregard to human life brought to you by Gloria Arroyo and her faithful military puppetmasters. They just didn't want her bribery scandal making headlines so they sacrificed innocent lives to draw attention away from her inept and corrupt handling.

Of course, it makes perfect sense now. No wacky conspiracy theories about "disturbed individuals" or "terrorists;" it's much more plausible to think that the administration did it all secretly in an attempt to keep people from noticing what really matters. I'd like to congratulate Senator Antonio Trillanes IV and all the truly courageous and outstanding people out there on the internet who have the strength and resolve to say what needs to be said. It takes quite a lot of character to take the deaths of eleven people, the injuries of a hundred, and the destruction of a building, and make it about you and your political agenda. Keep up the good work; I'm looking forward to your forthcoming exposé on how Gloria brought AIDS and the Muslim-engineered gay virus into the country.

Some apologies are more equal than others

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=95526

A group of Filipinos and Filipino-Americans is preparing a 500 million-dollar class suit against ABC Network in the United States in response to a slur against Philippine medical schools and Filipino medical professionals, aired in the premiere episode of the fourth season of "Desperate Housewives".

One Filipino lawyer said the class suit is needed to protect the reputation and credibility of Filipino doctors.

“The reputations of doctors are affected, their income is affected and this is a major damage inflicted not only on them but also the universities in the Philippines," said lawyer Ted Laguatan.

According to opthalmologist Tony Villanueva, the slur affects not just Filipinos but all ethnic groups.

NO, god fucking dammit, NO. Let me tell you who this slur affects: just fucking you. I had hoped that we'd already exhausted every possible embarrassing reaction, but it seems Filipinos love beating a dead horse. How can this be anything but a cheap attempt to cash in on a ridiculously trivial misunderstanding? I'm not entirely sure what point they're trying to make.

There's a joke about Filipinos that goes like this: Somewhere in America, a barber started feeling generous one day. He gave a policeman a free haircut, and the next day, he found a dozen doughnuts on his doorstep. He gave a florist the same, and found a dozen roses. Finally, he cut a Filipino's hair for free, and what did he find on his doorstep the next day? A dozen Filipinos.

That joke isn't riffing on Filipino anger so much as it is on Filipino... share-the-weath-mentality, but fuck, that's what it's beginning to seem like now. "Let's all violently overreact to a TV show! Maybe we can get something out of it! Everyone who acts offended is a winner!" Seriously, just because EDSA worked for us twice doesn't mean we have to get all OFF WITH THEIR HEADS whenever someone says something we don't like.

The people who keep pushing this issue say that the apology is not proportionate to the damage done. Tell me: how "proportionate" do these amends have to be, exactly? Let's see:

• "Can I check those diplomas 'coz I just want to make sure that they're not from some med school in the Philippines." -- 22 words
• "The producers of the show and ABC studios offer our sincere apology for any offence caused by the brief reference in the season premier," ANC quoted the statement as saying."There was no intent to disparage the integrity of any aspect of the medical community in the Philippines" -- 47 words

That's more than twice the number of words already. Oh, what's that? It doesn't take into account all the impressionable minds that the episode influenced? I'm sorry to break this to you, but if it wasn't for you, nobody alive today would even remember that line was ever uttered. I realize that Americans like to watch Fox, but they aren't so malleable that they take every little one-liner seriously. Anyone who does probably already had problems with racism prior to the episode.

Let's see what we've done so far in response:

• Proposed a resolution banning the show
• Reprimanded the actress for doing her job
• Filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit
• Written fanfiction that we are asking the crew to film

An absolutely sensible reaction, right? Not at all exaggerated, bloated, or otherwise blown out of proportion.

Anyway, this is the last I'll be writing about Desperate Housewives, unless someone comes up with a way to milk the fuck out of this publicity machine that's so unbelievably new and exciting that it needs to be preserved for posterity.

Edit: Here's a perfectly horrible column written by the guy who made that fanfic. http://globalnation.inquirer.net/mindfeeds/mindfeeds/view_article.php?article_id=93625 SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP

Desperate Housewives

Alright, raise your hands if you saw this one coming. Don't expect any extra credit, though--we're no strangers to witch hunts here, after all. Riding on the coattails of previous successes such as the recent mass tirade against Malu Fernandez, Filipino lawmakers and bloggers everywhere have extended their crusades into the realm of American television. Sure, we've taken down movie stars before, and our campaign to shame Jollibee haters off the Internet forever is going strong to this day, but to my recollection, we've never before taken a stand against the most vile of media: American pop culture. More specifically:

In the premiere episode of "Desperate Housewives" Season 4, the character Susan Mayer (played by actress Teri Hatcher) asked for the credentials of the gynecologist who examined her after being told that she was approaching menopause.

Mayer said: "Can I check those diplomas 'coz I just want to make sure that they're not from some med school in the Philippines."

Hey, guess who else is approaching menopause? Every time I read articles like this, I begin to feel like it's me, but then I realize I'm more like that manager who's grumpy after the menopausal lady got her panties in a bunch at a clerk who gave her the wrong size bra. Where do I begin? The part where all the news sites are clogged up with interesting and original articles about how offended we are? The part where someone made an online petition (because online petitions always work!) demanding a public apology? This petition has thousands of signatures, just like that time when we voted that dictator guy off the island!

Anyway, that doesn't matter. More importantly, I want to know: What the fuck are you idiots doing? It's a fucking throwaway line from a fucking television show. Historically, television shows have been known to do this thing called humor where they play off well-known events and stereotypes, such as the mass cheating on the nursing exams or how black people love fried chicken. How about taking a cue from gay people? Our television shows consistently portray them as flamboyant goofballs, but they take it in stride. And how about them Koreans and Chinese people? Please! Tell me the last time you jumped to their defense the last time your friend talked about how these filthy Mudbloods are taking over the country! One of the original email forwards says "there is strength in numbers!" That's quite telling about how we like to react to these things, isn't it?

Look: the producers have, in fact, apologized. That's more than enough for anyone, considering that the line was said through a medium that's historically known for tossing insults at every political and religious organization imaginable, and then some. Ah, but that's right. Filipinos don't consider themselves "just anyone." Filipinos are special, like the most beautiful and delicate butterflies you've ever seen, except with hive minds like killer bees that lash at anyone who disturbs their fantasy world of flowers and honey.

Apologies simply aren't enough for us, you see. We like it in blood. It certainly didn't take long before lawmakers called for a ban on the show, and threw in a shot against Teri Hatcher while they were at it. As an added bonus, said lawmakers have even included their very own Desperate Housewives fanfiction! Let me quote that part for you. The double standards in it are simply amazing:

"What should happen is Desperate Housewives should have a future episode where Teri Hatcher says she wants to have a Filipino doctor because she heard that they're the best. Something that would come close to undoing the damage that was done," Rodis told the ABS-CBN North America Bureau.

No, listen: What should happen is you should just shut up forever. Conan O' Brien insulted around 200 countries to their faces, and even conservative Iran and Afghanistan had better things to do than go and announce to the world how Conan is soooooo non grata now. You and your ilk are shitting up this country, and that's saying a lot considering where we fucking live. I'm not even talking about corruption here, just plain overall worthlessness and shittiness. How about you stop filling up the government archives with trash like resolutions banning your least favorite television shows and get around to more important matters, like, I don't know, everything else? Can you please explain to me exactly how is it that you and people like you from the Philippines manage to be less chill than the people in war-torn Zimbabwe?

Ahh, I get it. Those guys aren't chill, they just have worse things to worry about. Hey, good thing we don't, right? All's well then. :)